Sometimes, this feeling of camaraderie is not bad at all

It’s the end of the day,

Of a long winding battle,

Between myself and myself and my other self.

The swirlings inside me,

The voices projecting,

They collide and collude and corrupt me.

In the depths of misery one can easily lose their way to sanity,

In the bright of projections and faced with objections,

Why am I still alive?

I don’t really know..

But them the friends that strode along this painful path,

They are not gone,

Them the friends we cry and laugh together..

Them the friends that smack your head, console your heart,

And stood by your side,

Them the friends reminding you to savor..

This hateful life, this spiteful self, this bitter heart, this lonely mess,

Those weird jokes and worn out fists,

Embrace it all, it’s part of this adventure.

And in the years to come, you look back to it,

Reminisce in all those salty tears,

And in the years to come, you tell yourself,

You are better.

4.51 pm

19th March 2021

Joy

She fills me with joy

Evermore with every smile

Resonates with her tender laughter

Enchanting me with her warm embrace

Nourishing my soul with her very presence

Defining my own meagre existence

Into the void I go now

Pushing forward for that glimpse of light

In those brown eyes upon your face

Telling me “my love, this is love”

“You’ve searched hard, now take your rest”

5.05 pm

13^th August 2010

Iterations

Through iterations amultiple,

Time and again,

Humbled by experience,

Forgiven by maturity,

Loved by sincerity,

Like cackles of a fireplace at night,

In the cold of morning dew,

I come to give praise to the Almighty,

For changing “I” to “We”.

12.16pm

21st March 2020

But not for me

Those eyes, those laughter,

That sweet, sweet smile.

The merry thoughts together,

Those feel good vibes.

The reasons for rain inside your heart,

Are the same for what’s causing mine.

The melodies you sang in tune to them,

And the dance you flutter to their grace and whim.

It was never meant for me,

It was never meant for me.

And so we chase those elusive tails,

In a circle of misses and regrets,

Till the end, happiness we did not find,

We are alone,

You and I,

We are alone.

And so we chase those elusive tails,

I hope your eyes turn towards me

like how you hope his turn to you,

Till the end, I pray happiness will find itself to you,

Though not for me,

You and I,

Perhaps may never be.

Even if it’s not for me,

I pray that you will be happy.

6.20 am

28th May 2018

Passing through your bedroom

in the twilight hours of day,

While the sun crept over the city,

I tip-toed pass your bed,

A slab of reinforced concrete

in a tunnel beneath the road,

You sleep so soundly in the howlings

of motorcars above.

Then I wonder..

Do you also dream in slumber,

Or are you dead as a log?

Do you also have regrets

haunting you in slumber’s lost?

Do you dream about the stars

or just for a roof above your head?

Do you worry about work like me,

Or just wished you had it to worry?

Passing through your bedroom

in the twilight hours of day,

I pray the day be well to you,

And I ought you pray the same.

6.50 am

26th April 2018

A desire for a place in this world

Baskets full of envy,

Lingering thoughts of joy,

Cradle me some serenity,

In woven blanks of kindness,

Kindness, I can’t attempt,

Kindness, I cannot enjoy,

Gratification only for self,

Is grating me into abhor.

Our hands reaching out,

Towards the dull night sky,

We gather strength to reach the stars,

Instead, compiled the darkness of black matter.

We suffer loose ends, intangible may be,

But the freaking heart is real,

The screaming internally,

And undone we may of substance,

Left husks, hollow undoubtedly,

And what is it that matter,

To you or even me?

I want to embrace the plain,

Living worthy in simplicity,

But every ounce and every grain

of thought refuses me.

I want to be the sky,

And you, my anchor back to earth,

But every day and every night,

You just elude me.

So, tell me,

Where is it that I ought to be?

12.36 am

10th February 2018

Let’s get along with the feeling of hopelessness

That ring you want,

That smile you cherish,

That call you had,

Those cheeks with blemish,

That friend you had,

Still have, you wished,

That leap of faith,

And fall to perish,

Those guts it took to ask a question,

Spawned reasonable yet unwanted reaction,

Those stars you see lining up for you,

To make out meaning when none is due.

Welcome despair, I’ll cherish you,

Welcome despair, hopeless me, and you.

12.38am

11th November 2017

p/s: Now I feel like having a rerun of Welcome to the NHK

I’d rather Head-bang than Sway

In a bus moving obnoxiously fast,

Sit you must facing the front,

Unless the seats all taken, aghast,

Prepare your hold and sway back home.

10.55 pm

13th September 2017

Cloudy

Of all that’s insignificant,

Perhaps,

You are most,

Hence risen you have,

To something of value,

Significant.

4.51 pm

25th April 2017

But Not in God

I have lost faith a many too much times,

And lost I was in the depths of my mind,

In the crevices of my heart black,

Darken by idioms and idiotic tact.

I have lost faith in many like the stars,

In people and places and times across the verse,

In you and I and in cherished lies,

In human eyes and foolish ties,

In all the many;

-family,

-society,

-me.

I have lost faith,

I have lost faith in the many a too much,

I have lost faith a countless times too much,

I have lost faith in compassion and in grudge,

I have lost faith in a better world and us.

I have lost faith a many times,

But not in God, Most Gracious One.

1.32 pm,

15^th February 2017