A lot of things come barging into my mind lately. Ideas, ideologies, thoughts, school of thoughts, perspectives, memories, they come uninvited, cramped up in the crevices of my head. Keywords come popping out in instances, and discussions, or garble of it, starts out like a movie. Aleppo, euthanasia, Tawakkal, marriages, gratitude, life, death, the hereafter. They mix and mingle with one another until all that’s left is a mess without substance. Until all that’s left is me.
Cousins, parents, siblings, grandaunts, they could all go into the yellow bin and be cast out as clinical waste. Or better, into purple bins and be labelled radioactive or carcinogenic, I can’t remember what it was called. And then save a space for me, the trashiest of all, grand spectacle of human scum, so that I could be thrown away with the rest. I hope everything ends.
“Biarkan ku, biarkan ku lelap,
Biarkan jasadku tidur selamanya..”
–Sayoko (adaptasi Bahasa Melayu), Datu Kisaragi
26th December 2016