Note: Contains lethal doses of honesty. If you find this amusing, you’re sick and twisted.
#1: What is it with raya songs coupling ‘miskin’ with ‘hina’? Hinakah jadi miskin?
#2: Again, why couple ‘kaya’ with ‘mulia’? A lot of the wealthy aren’t noble. In fact, a lot are scum.
#3: Moving in the city on the first day of raya, you’ll feel how its like to drive in the countryside. Too bad those in the countryside do not have this luxury this time around.
#4: <Hosting an open house> *screams internally* Oh God, the dishes! THE DISHES!!
#5: <Using single-use polystyrene> *still screaming internally* Oh God, the trash! THE TRASH!!
#6: <On used dishes/cutlery watch> Why the hell do you use a cup, put it in the besen, sit down and chat, and then take another clean cup? Why can’t you just spare the cup, you dimwit!?
#7: Duit raya is killing the spirit, and now its the new materialistic spirit of raya.
#8: Fireworks and firecrackers are killing people, literally each year. So why can the Japanese have fireworks without fatality? Are we a lower-tier society?
#9: I’m 26 but still unemployed. Am I eligible for duit raya?
#10: Duit raya taught BR1M how to acquire obedience.
#11: No wonder the Muslin-majority (Malay and Bumis) endure shit the government gave just for a couple hundred ringgit each year. They were taught to be so since childhood.
#12: *screams internally in rage* THAT BAJU MELAYU/BAJU KURUNG/KEBAYA DOESN’T SUIT YOU, YOU PIECE OF POTATO!!
#13: <Flirting at an open house, was having a good conversation> <Grandma comes by> “Oh, I see you’ve known each other. Your parents were also close when they were kids, since they’re cousins twice removed.” <She walks away innocently> <Cue awkward silence>
#14: I don’t know why the hell is everyone my generation mad about the big Q (“When are you getting married” if you don’t catch my drift). Its just a question. Answer politely lah. And you said maaf zahir batin for what, huh?
#15: ‘Maaf zahir batin’ is a boilerplate opening for every each conversation for the whole week after raya, and it’s making me wanting to vomit already.
#16: I’m 26 but still unemployed. Do I have to hand out duit raya?
#17: <Younger brother handing out duit raya to some relative’s kid> <Said kid comes running to me with gleaming eyes> <Smiles politely while reaching for the balang kuih> “Here, have a cookie.”
#18: Rather being on dish washing duty than having to awkwardly converse with mom’s cousin’s brother’s grandfather’s niece’s husband.
#19: Distant relative: Bah, duduklah. Jangan malu-malu. Keluarga juga kita ni. Me: *forcing a pleasant smile to someone with the label ‘stranger’ on their forehead* Tidak juga malu. Keluarga juga kan, hehe
#20: <Friendly ‘entah siapa’s holding out their hands while saying selamat hari raya> *breaking down internally* TO SALAM OR NOT TO SALAM!!?
#21: Come Monday, and was thinking to myself “this raya is still kind of fun, as always.”