I always find myself here at the damnedest of moments.
Tomorrow is my petroleum paper, yet here I am, tapping on the keyboard instead of reviewing what needs to be reviewed. It is as if this is a sort of escapism for me, but escape from what? Responsibilities? Immaturity? Maturity? Or am I just denying the fact that I am me, sitting here in front of a computer doing nothing better than venting out here? There’s a lot of things that I found out not knowing in the recent months, this may be one of them.
Then, browsing the net (instead of studying), this thought suddenly came by.
I have to start giving up.
We always associate giving up with negative things. Well, is it really negative? Is it really not good to give up? I think it depends on the situation. Say, if you’re not good at a certain job or a certain course you’ve taken in university, do you give up and start anew? Or do you persevere? Perseverance pays, or so they say. So why give up? It’s not worth giving up when you’re half way through. That is the common consensus on ‘giving up’. It’s bad for your health, it’s bad for your career, you’ll make a significant wrong turn which will take a significant amount of good from your prospect future. So, no, don’t give up.
I was also one who conform to this idea, this unspoken tenet of working and studying and living life. But it dawned on me. An excess of anything, no matter how good it is, is not good. Sugar, for instance, gives you dollops of energy after consumption. But excessively, it gives you something else. So is perseverance. A good amount of perseverance takes you far and high. An excessive amount of perseverance drags you down into self-loath, depression, and self-hate. A very real example of hanging on too tightly to the ways of the norm is in our daily consumption in gas itself. It’s like poetry that even before I open my notes, this came to mind as an example. The current price per barrel of oil is dropping, and is expected to decline even more in this year. We know that oil is nonrenewable, yet we still thirst for it as if there are no other means for energy. We have the sun, and at current efficiency levels of converting solar into electricity (a mere 20%, much less than energy conversion of other sources of energy), it is statistically enough to power the whole world with a combined space only the size of Spain. Spain? That’s a whole country, you might say. But that is if and only if all the solar panel fields are put together. How much space does all those power generators and dams and windmills cover when combined? And that is not even enough for the whole world.
Yet, we still cling to our old ways of using gas. We couldn’t give up gas when we should have. We couldn’t give up. That is an extreme example, I know, but a realistic one that affects all of us, not just the ones who could read this because they are fortunate enough to have an internet connection.
So, giving up is not entirely bad. Sometimes you have to give up. The one thing that you could not stop from doing is moving, no matter if it is physically or mentally, you have to keep on moving. Giving up doesn’t mean being stagnant. Giving up doesn’t necessarily means starting anew. Giving up can be changing course, and not abandoning everything you’ve done prior. B-But sir, that means you don’t have the balls to see it through, that you’re afraid of failure. This is the type of response you’ll hear when you want to give up. Sometimes, it doesn’t even come from anyone else. Sometimes, it is you who held back yourself from giving up. Is that a good sign? Of course it’s a good sign, but be wary, as sometimes you yourself don’t know what’s best for you.
And here I am, reminiscing once again, but this time to a not so distant past. It happened last year. Should he had given up, and should others encourage him to give up, he wouldn’t end in this sorry state. I don’t want that to happen again, yet I am hardheaded in the most insignificant of matters. I guess I should try this thing, this giving up thing once in a while.
I guess I should start giving up now.
17th January 2016