The Distorted Mind of an ‘Innocent’ Guilty Boy


(Purely fiction. Please don’t get me wrong, hehe.)

Breath. Slowly. Tremble as he does. He stare at the lady at the desk. Her eyes dim, same as his. Then came a co-worker. They chat, she smiled. But he knows that that smile is fake. No, you can’t tell if you see it yourself, but he can. You can’t see the ugly truth behind that sweet innocent smile, but he can. Because he also gives away that kind of smile to everyone around him.

To many, he is as good as a boy can be; gentle, polite, has a hint of humor in his personality, and most important, he always smiles. But not many know (he doubt if anyone knows) that that smile he always has is only a mask. A mask perfected by the act of willingly giving out that smile without shame, without hesitation, though the fact is he loath at those people around him. He smile and always act nice, but deep inside him he just wants to stab all those people in the back, cut out their hearts, slice their throats open, and let them bleed to death in agony as he watch and laugh. And that would be the remedy to his sick pretentious self. That was what he thought.

But now, right in front of him, he meets another who is like him. One who is full of one’s self, who thinks he or she is better than the rest of the world, who wears a mask and smiles pretentiously with ease to the world and in the dark, curse the world for its bureaucracy, its lame rules, the system which built it and now becomes the foundation of the very life everyone is leading right now. He meets another who is like him, who has disgust in the glint of their eyes. He meets another like him, another lone rebel, who, amidst the hatred that they are drenched within, is actually pretty lonely, starving for affection and thirst for acknowledgement and recognition. And he knows that as a fact. He knows that he is just selfish, and he bet that she knows too. Then, at that moment, their eyes meet. He smiles, she smiled back. From another viewer’s eyes, it must’ve been like they are very fond of each other, but to them, it is just an act, and they both know it.

Day in day out, they continue their show, for ordinary life’s sake. They continue to greet each other, work together, chat to each other and also laugh together. But within their hearts, the hatred for one another is brewing, getting stronger and stronger. The only thing that gives away the hatred and loath is the glint in their eyes which becomes darker and darker. Sadistic and homicidal thoughts linger in their minds. It is as if they want to kill each other but they wait. They prey in silence and wait the other to make a mistake first so that they can jump out and finish the other one in a single epic blow. He knows that she is waiting, just like him. And he is not willing to be the one who falls to the ground. So he waited, and waited, and waited. He became close to her just to know her weakness. She allows it, just for the same reason he has. They are practically ‘best colleagues’, if ever that term exist. And the act they put on continues without anyone else noticing.

The weeks past. His thoughts about her became wilder and more violent. He wanted to slice her up, unsheath her skin, tear her apart. Then one day, a new thought appear in his foul mind. He wants to own her. He wants to make her his own, his property, his slave. He wants to devour her, to make her bleed and cry, and he’ll enjoy that like butterscotch candy. It is like he is at the verge of sanity, he becoming more inhuman than he already is. No. To be frank, he is at the verge of sanity. Every night he thinks of her, dreams of her. He dreamed of sucking her blood dry, of licking her whole body and then pee on her face just to see the expression of lost and despair on her face. He really has lost his mind, turning from sadist into sex fiend. And in the morning, as he woke up, he smiled to himself, thinking that the day when  he owns her is coming nearer and nearer. But he does not know that she thinks the same.

That day, at the office, they meet again as always. She smiles to him, he smiled back. The circle of their little war goes on, and on, and on….

Little that they know that they are falling for each other, falling for one who are the same as the other….

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The Distorted Mind of an ‘Innocent’ Guilty Boy

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